Yellowstone

Shoshone National Forest

We’re (the 500T and me, didya see?) gonna need a new front tire too. Best to place a call to mommy and have that old one that’s been dangling in the garage for far too long shipped to some point on the map. Say, Missoula, Montana? Sure, why not. You’ll need that tire to make Alaska and Missoula’s on the way. It’ll be there in a week and July 4th fast approaches. We’ll need to find a place to hole up and hide out, and what better place to do so than America’s gemstone: Yellowstone? Score a free campsite in the nare travelled Northeast corner and you’re golden, boy.

But first, we’ll need to check Thermopolis off the bucket list. It’s every bit as awesome as it sounds and piping hot mineral baths await, refresh, and requicken the tired traveller. Hot Springs State Park in Thermopolis WY provides free soaks to all comers. Be there or be square, but definately be there to soak up those mineral waters and restore some of that lost youth!

Look, I never intended to go to Yellowstone at all. I had always figured that it was just another crowded mash of RV’s, Harleys, and truculent old folks living out their ends of days. And it is to a certain extent, but Yellowstone is just so goddamn huge and magnificent that you don’t really notice and you don’t really care. This is an awe inspiring place. Another vast and cartoonish landscape that’s even badder than the badlands. 10,000 foot peaks give way to lush and rolling and expansive meadows which give way to bubbling cauldrons of mud and sulphur. It is truly vast. Get off the road, take a trail, and get lost. As with all National Parks, a mile walk into the bush will get you out there, alone in the world. You won’t see another person. And remember, if you choose to set up shop at Pebble Creek campground, don’t forget your Adventurous Spirit membership card, had at any Sic Vic’s House of Horsepower through the nation. This will entitle you to VIP treatment and other campers will then compete for your love and affections. Beers, steaks, burgers, margaritas, pup-chairs, offers of future jobs, offers of places to stay, and even an impromptu early-morning wolf-viewing mission come pro-bono as part of the deal. Cap it all off with a Fourth of July viewing of Old Faithful and an Elk burger. Because you are an American in America.

 

 

The less travelled Lamar Valley abounds with wildlife and the occasional Wildboy. Named after Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds? An inquiry at the Ranger Station will get you nowhere. You be the judge...

Travel Tip: When entering Wyoming for the first time, be sure not to miss the Vore Buffalo Jump. This ancient archaeological site will provide you with the visceral thrill of knowing that Plains Indians once used this great sinkhole in the scrub to meet their buffalo quota for the winter. You have been warned…

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5 responses to “Yellowstone

  1. Your the gonzo journalist of the 21st Century, reminding Americans what America used to be, living the dream while educating the masses. Big Rus and I were reminiscing today about how much more entertaining things were when you were around. I look forward to the day we can down a few beers as you regal me with your stories of legendary weather, Pee Wee like scuffles with bike gangs, and truck stop whores. Feel the stag’s heart friend!

  2. Ah, you mean Amazing Larry?

    We’ll talk and have a few beers, but first I’ll need to let the X-1 cool down a bit. I’ve gotta get it to Alaska before the Soviets discover the secret compartment containing the microfilm…

  3. Watch out for USO’s hiding along the coast. Also i wanted to give you a heads up. That night when we went to see Hobo with A shotgun, and missed it, it would seem that the movie Gods were looking out for us once again. Not heeding their warnings we rented that god awful piece of shit film… It was so bad in a bad way that it took all Lulu and I had, just to sit through it. Amazing that the feverish, stifling, 3rd floor brooklyn summer heat didn’t mix with our brain chemistry to make the film better, which is usually what happens. Our apartment is a bonafide sauna friend. Temperatures range from 180-210 on a regular summer day.

  4. so glad you were able to dodge the riff raff and experience yellowstone’s inner core. and thermopolis! man, i saw that on the map and thought about checking it out but, didn’t. wish we did.

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