We’re (the 500T and me, didya see?) gonna need a new front tire too. Best to place a call to mommy and have that old one that’s been dangling in the garage for far too long shipped to some point on the map. Say, Missoula, Montana? Sure, why not. You’ll need that tire to make Alaska and Missoula’s on the way. It’ll be there in a week and July 4th fast approaches. We’ll need to find a place to hole up and hide out, and what better place to do so than America’s gemstone: Yellowstone? Score a free campsite in the nare travelled Northeast corner and you’re golden, boy.
But first, we’ll need to check Thermopolis off the bucket list. It’s every bit as awesome as it sounds and piping hot mineral baths await, refresh, and requicken the tired traveller. Hot Springs State Park in Thermopolis WY provides free soaks to all comers. Be there or be square, but definately be there to soak up those mineral waters and restore some of that lost youth!
Look, I never intended to go to Yellowstone at all. I had always figured that it was just another crowded mash of RV’s, Harleys, and truculent old folks living out their ends of days. And it is to a certain extent, but Yellowstone is just so goddamn huge and magnificent that you don’t really notice and you don’t really care. This is an awe inspiring place. Another vast and cartoonish landscape that’s even badder than the badlands. 10,000 foot peaks give way to lush and rolling and expansive meadows which give way to bubbling cauldrons of mud and sulphur. It is truly vast. Get off the road, take a trail, and get lost. As with all National Parks, a mile walk into the bush will get you out there, alone in the world. You won’t see another person. And remember, if you choose to set up shop at Pebble Creek campground, don’t forget your Adventurous Spirit membership card, had at any Sic Vic’s House of Horsepower through the nation. This will entitle you to VIP treatment and other campers will then compete for your love and affections. Beers, steaks, burgers, margaritas, pup-chairs, offers of future jobs, offers of places to stay, and even an impromptu early-morning wolf-viewing mission come pro-bono as part of the deal. Cap it all off with a Fourth of July viewing of Old Faithful and an Elk burger. Because you are an American in America.
Travel Tip: When entering Wyoming for the first time, be sure not to miss the Vore Buffalo Jump. This ancient archaeological site will provide you with the visceral thrill of knowing that Plains Indians once used this great sinkhole in the scrub to meet their buffalo quota for the winter. You have been warned…