Tag Archives: review

Tragic Hat: Summer Soulstice

Hey you!

Imagine my delight whilst shopping for a post pullup (50 straight, beat that) party favor when I done run across this Magic Hat Summer Special Pack. Wait a minute, I thought, hath I not just sampled their Spring Specials? Sure, I reckoned, this must be an old box, some leftover remnant from days past, plucked from some dusty warehouse corner and shelved amidst fresher brews to doff off to an unsuspecting (and uncaring) Long Island populace (they’ll never know the difference anyway (but I will)). But no! A quick check of the freshness stamp brought the realization that these beers should be consumed on or before Memorial Day for optimal freshness. Meh, surely some trick, some scam! Why release the Spring specials and then immediately thereafter the Summer specials? And the Summer Specials are meant to be consumed before summer? Albeit, the date on the box was real, as it would not be wiped off no matter how hard it was rubbed with the thumb.

Well…a message from the Gods no doubt.

I took it as such and scored a twelve pack of PBR on the way out for $8.50.

Note: Sad that such is considered to be a deal in this day and age. The Magic Hat was $19.00. Beer should be free, man.

And so here I sit…on the LIRR going to the big city and rating these brews for your enjoyment:

Single Chair: 5%. Cap reads, “Congratulations, you’re night is about to get better.” But how can it get better if I’m already off to see good pals that will videotape me laughing and shoot it into space? And it isn’t even night time yet. It’s 3 o’clock.  Shame on you Magic Hat. You’re brews should be encouraged to be drank at ANY time, before work or while driving. I’ve heard by rumor that in some Western states, such as Idaho or Montana, one can drink and drive and drink while driving provided one’s blood alcohol content is below a certain percentage. Regardless, this is a really good beer. Actually really delicious. Reminiscent of Encore but slightly different. Refreshing. Not a good train riding beer but a good beer to drink while driving a Montana backroad in a convertible, or motorcycle sidecar even; while wearing goggles and an old helmet. Although I don’t care for the label, which features a ski lift, because I hate skiing, I love the beer. Bravo.

Wacko: 4.5% “A little weak” states Lucinda. A wonderful color and “fruitiness” to this one. It pours out looking a bit like a sparkling cherry juice. A little too bright. The label says that beets are added to produce said vibrancy but I say beets belong in borscht and have no place in beer. A little synthy tasting, Not something I expect from Magic Hat. Lucinda says that Wacko is, “all conceptual but has no soul.” She asked me to quote that.

Blind Faith: 6.2% Tastes like Single Chair if you added more alcohol. The label looks more wintery than summery and I don’t care for that sort of juxtaposition. I’ll take my summers hot and my winters cold please. Don’t try to make me feel cold in the summer or vice versa in winter time. Let me enjoy the heat without being cold. Stop trying to alter my perceptions Magic Hat. I know what you’re doing. Try putting a little puffy coat or vest on your winter beers and maybe a pair or swim trunks or old-timey one piece bathing suit on your summer beers and I’ll eat it up but not the other way around. Embrace the sun. Blind Faith, good nonetheless, but Single Chair is still my fave.


Transmissions from A. Mora Prinzgauer and the Nick Miller Penis Cult

Note: The recent discovery of a smoke shop near Marlo’s house that sells B-movie DVDs for $1 each has yielded some interesting finds. Selections are farmed out to all hooligans, drunk in with the senses and the nuances of each discussed ad nauseam. Up on the docket today is a review of Time Chasers (aka Tangents (wtf?)) by despondent manboy correspondent A. Mora Prinzgauer.

“Fighting evil mega-corporations by skipping through the fabric of
space time is a worthy and noble cause. Any film plot with these
elements is a treat to the senses and is fundamental training for the
inevitable events on the horizon.  Even though the acting was like
nails on a chalkboard, I found the 1990 film “Time Chasers” horribly
wonderful and hard to resist.

Scientists naïve to the evils of human intention should just not
dabble in lofty pursuits. It’s a situation bound to go awry. May this
be a warning to all you would be physicists at the Large Hadron
Collider in Switzerland. Know in the marrow of your souls that every
single one of your experiments and discoveries will be molested and
raped for the money.
That’s just the way it is. Trust no 1.
I have been trying to shut that thing down for a while now. Remember
the “Bird and the Baguette?” That was my future self’s last attempt to
change the past.
For more on this see here.

Make love with a defiant blond reporter…. not war. Cause time waits for no man.

The 20 year old director David Giancola is a visionary.
I approve of his low budget approach and crafty nature. His graphics
and lighting made me yearn for the good’ol  Atari days –
Giancola’s poetic insertion of the Edward Hopper book into the ‘J.K.
Robert’s television commercial’ scene was truly brilliant. It was a
symbol that effectively foreshadowed the struggle to come between one
man and society. Now that’s the beauty and subtlety of pretentious
filmmaking at its best.

Lead actor Matthew Bruch, played Nick Miller, the unlikely physicist hero. He
had to continuously fight with some really bad dialogue and was acting with his
eyebrows for the first 1/2 of the film. This was annoying and his
smugness gave me a headache. Nevertheless, once the action bit of the
film picked up, he came around and became endearing. As his own stunt
coordinator he kicked ass and effectively adjusted into his roll of physicists
turned jock protector. Bravo!!  And he can ride a horse! Double bravo!!

Giancola displayed dam good directing skills through use of creative
crash scenes and jammed packed action sequences. The use of bikes
throughout the film was also a genius decision. Nick, the hero, rides
a 10 speed. It suits his character well. The chase scene with
corporate and government security forces on crappy mountain bikes was
unbeatable. This was quite possibly my favorite part of the movie. I wish all
secret security forces, and mercenaries organizations like BlackWater, rode bikes into battle.
It would level the playing field, and make war fun again.
Unrelated clip of another of my favorite movie bicycle battle moments:
I also liked the time travel hijackers. The concept that there is one
dimension where people just wait around to transport-jack others, in an effort
to escape the current time damnation / dimension, is creepy and interesting.

The biggest disappointment of the film falls squarely on the shoulders
of the the costume design department. I mean the “in the future look “
actually just looked like the 80’s. Which is strange cause the movie
was made in 1990, so why would the costume designer look to the
immediate past for inspiration about the future? It totally took me
out of the moment and it just doesn’t make sense at all.

Regardless, it seems like Giancola got a new costume designer by the
2nd half of the film. But he could have just as easily used one of those Revolutionary War
reenactment troops for the climatic finale. Either way, evoking the
patriotic ideals of individualism and the war fought over it, was a
good way to remind viewers that the real nature of “The American Way”
is that of dissent and revolution, not of greed and capitalism.

My favorite character was Mike the taxi driver. He completely stole
the show. Having once myself been a taxi driver who would get overly
excited about strange conspiracy theories told to me by my passengers,
I can completely relate.  I got his motivation and really feel he
nailed his performance.  It was just so real, and it brought back fond
memories of my “A. Mora da Cabbie” days.

Form watching this movie I learned that if the physicist Nick and the
mechanic Marty had a baby it would look like Pipe Adams, complete with
bandana and all.”

-A. Mora Prinzgauer




Note: Nick Miller Be Praised.



A Pipe is Born!

An old book that smelled old

Not too long ago, upon returning home to my apartment after work I found a little gift from heaven wedged between my screen door and wall. A small package from the Pilgrims of Pleiades themselves! Huzzah, what could it be? Such excitement.

I tore into the package and discovered inside a thoughtfully written birthday postcard and a book all about pipes and pipe smoking. Thanks guys!

An old book, Weber’s Guide to Pipes and Pipe Smoking by Carl Weber (and Illustrated by Charles Fellows), was good nonetheless and I read it with aplomb in one sitting! What thoughful countrymen and women the hooligan pilgrims are, to assist me in rekindling my old love and desultory daliance into the world of pipes and pipe smoking. I have, afterall,  adopted the moniker of Pipe Adams.


Reprinted in 1973, the original 1962 tome describes the hobby and art of pipe smoking from top to bottom. Mr. Weber will guide you through the history of tobacco cultivation, the evolution of piping from the European discovery of the tobacco plant until today, different materials and methods used in pipe production, the differences between tobacco types, the process of picking and choosing the right pipe for you, and strategem for lighting and keeping your pipe lit. A photo spread detailing pipe making, titled “A Pipe is Born” is a source of particular delight! For of course, just like all living creatures -pipes are not made, they are born!

Pipe smoking is a wonderful and sacred art that the hooligan iconoclast can relish and enjoy both for its medicinal and relaxing qualities but also for the fact that it is an extraordinarily unpopular pursuit. Any young hoodlum caught puffing away on a pipe is bound to provoke consternation and confusion in even the most fashionable of hipsters. That is the hooligan way. Of course, it is only a matter of time before the Williamsburghers are puffing away on trust fund bought meerschaums and waxing their handlebar mustaches.

Perhaps while tooling around on penny farthings?

No irony is too great for these people.

Thats fine.

While I am an iconoclast through and through and my personality (defect) prohibits me to enjoy any pursuit if others deem it to be fashionable or ironic, know that I’ll still be puffing away on my pipe from now until eternity.

Pipe Adams came first and is the ultimate authority on pipes for his generation.

If hipsters want to know anything about pipes they can ask me.

For instance, did you know that at European pipe smoking competitions, it is nom de rigeur for contestants to scream at the top of their lungs while smoking their pipes?

Of course you did.

And for those of you in the know, I need not tell you about the dark side of piping.

But as for the rest of you…

stay tuned.